#Issue 11 Prachi Gohil's Inner Sanctum

the cultural construction of "healthy" masculinity and the role of online communities (part 1)

Jul 06, 2025

These past few weeks, I drowned the noise around me by delving into vampirism and the pop culture representation of it in its various forms. I have yet to read Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula, but I can confidently recollect the plot of Twilight. This world of fantasy has become an instant refuge for me for all those moments when reality becomes hard to handle. Why did I feel the need to escape from reality? Well, it all started with my attempt to write an essay on healthy masculinity and the role of online communities in shaping this definition today, in 2025.

Let’s start with the elephant in the room. Is masculinity in crisis? I didn’t want to believe it, to be honest. I grew up wanting to have better labour market conditions for women. Financial independence, safe public spaces, inclusive inheritance laws, more research on the female reproductive system, greater liberty in personal decision-making, and higher representation for women in leadership positions in public and private institutions - these have been the cornerstones of my digital blitzkrieg for a long time. In the past decade, society has made phenomenal progress for women worldwide. But as we made the world more inclusive, it became equally competitive. Some men started to feel left out. It became obvious with the rise and celebration of the manosphere.

What is the manosphere?

I didn’t give much credit to the rise in the usage of words such as “incels”, “men’s rights activists”, “not all men”. For me, it was the Internet being the Internet. Until the release of Adolescence, a path breaking limited series on Netflix that took the world by storm by shedding light on the far reaching effects of the manosphere. And for the first time, I took a stab at deconstructing this heretofore unknown world of new gospel.

According to perplexity.ai, the manosphere is a loosely connected network of online communities, websites, blogs, and forums that focus on men’s issues, often promoting anti-feminist, misogynistic, and hypermasculine ideologies. It covers multiple sub-groups that include :

Men’s rights activists - advocate for men’s legal and social issues that position men as victims of feminism
Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) - encourage men to disengage from relationships with women, viewing them as inherently harmful.
Pick Up Artists - propagate manipulative strategies for seducing women, disregarding consent
Incels - men who blame women and feminism for their lack of romantic or sexual success, expressing extreme resentment or advocating violence

One would like to believe that they are distant from any of these groups. But the reality is that the Internet and viral, algorithmic nature of personalization and recommendation engines has brought all these groups much closer together and have been infiltrating screen time of friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, more often than not, in your presence. This tickles my spidey senses.

What happened to the blueprint of traditional masculinity?

Not all of the manosphere is or was meant to be disturbing, my rose-tinted view of the world would like to believe. Men have traditionally bonded on the ability to fight, physically protect their women in domestic skirmishes and still form the majority of the armed forces everywhere in the world. This act of protection taps into the root of masculinity. But how many of our men need to go to war on a daily basis in 2025? And are all of them going to be successful in the battlefield of arms, ammunition and atheletic man-to-man combat?

The answer to these questions also gives a clue to where the traditional definition of masculinity starts failing, particularly values systems that are hinged on aggression and physical dominance. In today’s society, power comes from different avenues and most of the developed world in designed to be espouse individualistic, capitalistic system hackers at the top of the pyramid. The climb to the top demands imbibing principles of stoicism, self-reliance, and emotional suppression. This translates to widely practiced male behaviours such as reluctance to seek medical assistance for physical or mental health issues, substance abuse and difficulty forming deep emotional connections. And for the ones that don’t cope well, suicide. Hurtful to admit, but the statistics don’t lie.

While online communities can unfortunately reinforce harmful traditional notions of masculinity through echo chambers and identity politics, they also hold the potential to offer unprecedented opportunities to redefine a “healthy” male identity. Frankly, because they need it.

Is feminism leading to toxic masculinity or are online communities reinforcing harmful norms and erasing the work done by feminists of the yester years?

I ask this question because in recent years, i’ve personally wanted to step away from the tag of a feminist. Particularly after the rabid rise in extreme opinions on feminism and masculinity, at the advent of the #MeToo scandal. As a woman, if you haven’t experienced abuse of some kind, you’re an outlier and not the norm. So, i’ve never questioned the legitimicacy of the #MeToo movement. I did have my reservations on the cultural repercussions of it, however. Because consent is a deeply complicated subject and one that can’t always be argued effectively in the court of law. Consent is more often than not, felt.

While a large part of the manosphere holds the rise in modern feminism accountable for changing the script, i believe that there is one more culprit in the mix - Internet. In the summer of 2016, i discussed the existence of content bubbles for the first time with a colleague. Let me explain :

The devil is in the anonymity

In the real world, when you meet and know a person, more often that not you follow an unsaid script and are largely cordial in your interactions with other human beings. Even if you don’t like a person, how many of you will go up to the person and scream uncouth things in their face unless provoked? Just think about it. Our schools, non-verbal lessons in culture, teach us good behavior and we largely follow the script and non-written rules to exist peacefully in the world. Not everybody does. However, there are laws that protect people from harassment, community leaders that weed out anomalous behavior and vigilant friends, family, neighbours that come to your aid depending on the need. But what happens when you’re online?

Being online and interacting with the online community is an absurdly individualistic experience. Your face is hidden. Our minds don’t always perceive the non-verbal cues that are important for successful social interactions. It’s all digital. No additional human sensory input such as micro-expressions, body odours, voice intonations. There’s a lag in the speed at which you can change a response online versus in an offline interaction based on the opposite person’s reactions. This applies to every human and not all minds are equally equipped at communication, to begin with.

So, what could go wrong? Our ability to empathise with fellow humans is instantly and immeasurably jeopardised leading to emboldened expression of extreme views and malignant behaviors. The added advantage of veiling your real identities and adopting a completely new persona online only exacerbates the multi-layered risks of anonymous interactions.

There was a power in anonymous “freedom of expression” in the early days of the Internet. But, in the age of AI, it’s becoming a tool of mass manipulation, propaganda and instrument of hate filled narratives.

Echo chambers and filter bubbles

The content distribution system of the Internet is kept in place by a few leading actors which include Meta, Alphabet and Amazon, alongwith a host of other content publishers that follow you on the Internet wherever you go. You know that feeling you get that someone is listening to your conversations when you see an ad on Instagram? That ecosystem in fueled by two things :

Your digital identity

It’s incredibly easy today to figure identify an individual through a combination of their IP address, geo location, e-mail, phone number, birthdate etc. Basically, the information that we willingly trade with websites to access free content, create an account, get offers, you name it. They barter your identity and share it with DMPs, DSPs, that then follow you on the Internet. Your first party data is combined with third party information traced through your digital footprint on the interwebs. The advertising gods don’t need to know you in a way that a person in your life knows you. They don’t have an obligation to create a relationship with you but they get the power to decide what you will see when you’re in their territory. That’s the trade. Now, what?

Recommendation engines

Once they know you, they show you who they think you are. I used to believe that we are unique individuals and it could be hard to box us. The illusion of choice is one of the biggest gifts of humanity. One different choice could, migrate you to a new customer segment. What is a customer segment, you ask? Based on your general behavior on the Internet and other demographic clues, algorithms typecase you. In the early days, there was more human intervention in defining these segments. With advances in deep learning and personalization, it’s less so. It is acutely dictated by every click, like, share, view that you as an individual make and a black box algorithm which recognises patterns in an ocean of online identities.

Okay, but what’s wrong with it? Nothing. There is nothing wrong with this technology. The underlying business logic behind using these in the digital world is that you will generate more revenue from an individual if they constantly see what they have liked, or will like in the future. This is the problem.

This hypothesis assumes that we are unique but still homogenous enough to be in a cluster of similar individuals. It may not be true to the complexity of the human experience but it has a performance and a financial metric tied to it. This ecosystem of content publishing on the Internet (the revenue model, relationship between engagement metrics and financial performance) is largely responsible for echo chambers and content bubbles, we are all trapped in.

If you like this, then you’ll like that. If you interacted with this person, they you should interact with this other person. There’s no malice in the noble intent of giving you what you want by using technology. The problem with this solution is that it boxes people into echo chambers that disconnect people from the reality of the physical world. The extremes become more extreme on the Internet. They tap into the impulses of our limbic brain and in turn perpetuate harmful ideas that go unchallenged.

The manosphere is a receptacle of niche, problematic ideas that now, have a legitimate reason to exist because it has developed universal appeal through persistent exposure. Previously ostracised thought processes are finding an avenue into mainstream consciousness and changing the fabric of society itself. Is it then fair to claim that modern feminism is solely responsible for toxic masculinity? Or is the existence of the manosphere a claim to fame and money for folks who didn’t acclimate in regular society?

(to be continued)

Book Draft

Seeking a literary agent

Writing the book proposal did take a little bit out of me. It felt good to put something so unique to me out on paper. I had submitted it to an writing retreat program and didn’t get shortlisted into the top five. I made it to the top twenty though! And that’s good enough for me to keep going. Last week, after a month and a half of stagnation, i submitted an edited proposal to a literary agency i’m deeply interested in working with. Fingers crossed! The point of this phase is start working with someone who can reflect on the commercial viability and literary mettle of the collection i’ve put together so far.

Fertility Health App

Potential investment from an angel investor in Qatar

It sounds crazy to just acknowledge that this was so close to happening. I’ve been vetting the business concept with a couple of my entrepreneurial colleagues and friends, and a lot of them have been supportive. One of them offered to get me pre-seed investment to get started on building the MVP.

But i didn’t follow through. I’d stopped working on developing Lasya Health since April due to personal situations that needed urgent attention. It just didn’t feel like the right time to take on a big challenge like that. My deep sense of integrity didn’t allow it. On one hand, i felt good about turning down the change to present to this angel investor, on the other i was constantly berating myself for not taking on this challenge. Will this chance come again? Who knows.

My reasons were solid, if i was an angel investor i wouldn’t invest without seeing a few numbers. Where are my numbers? Still cooking in the oven, apparently.

First time pitching to an unknown group (that is the target demographic)

Last month, i got invited to a social soiree that felt like the right moment to talk about Lasya Health publicly. I didn’t have a deck. I didn’t have a script. All these months of research and brainstorming with friends paid off because the idea was embedded deeply in my head. For the first time since i left my corporate job, i was selling something that i deeply believed in. It was a surreal experience to get a real time reaction from the people in the room. It was also a validation for the concept i was working towards.

You can do it! These words repeated in my head that evening. At the end of the “presentation”, it was clear to me that i had a major skill gap to fill - fundraising.

Raising capital for 2 years of operations, getting primary partners to deliver services and getting my first 100 registrations. This is all i need to do before i think about the next steps.

Lessons learned

Own your story. You’re the main character of your life.

I wonder if all uncoupled women feel this way? As if you’re life is only meant to contribute and pour into the lives of people around you. Or that the wins and losses in your life don’t matter as much because there isn’t a list of other people attached to your existence? I think i felt that in the initial years of social vacuum. I was so used to telling my story to people in relation to others, deferring to others, hiding my hurt feelings from friends and family, i almost lost the ability to see my own life for what it was. Deep journaling saved me. It helped me see my life from my frame of reference. 2025 is the first year, i’ve whole heartedly embraced my frame of reference in work, love, family and friendships. Being a solopreneur and a writer genuinely helped me build this version of me. And she still has a long way to go. :)

Prachi Gohil's Inner Sanctum